innerscroll's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- someone like me Last night was hell! I came right out and told Louis that I needed him to be spontaneous and show me how he feels in ways not necesarily requiring sex. He took that part with a resonable amount of calm and understanding. What he didn't take so well however was me asking him what he wants out of me in this relationship and what I can do to make him happy. Yeah, that's when he started to flip out. He doesn't understand why I ask so many questions about our relationship. It's like he's afraid of where those questions will lead me. According to his completely *sane* way of seeing the way our couple should work, I believe it sounded pretty damn close to me shutting up and him living his life the way he would without me there at all. It really got me thinking about who I'm suposed to be with. I wanted nothing more but to get up and run out the door, but I was naked in bed with him at 3:30am and I wasn't entirely sure that he would even try to come after me. It scares me. I can't sleep anymore. It's quarter to 9am and I just can't sleep. I woke up in tears. I really don't understand this. I do ask alot of questions, about where he thinks the couple is going, about who he expects me to be and why. I ask these things. These are questions I feel couples should ask themselves and eachother. I want to work to find the best feeling in all of this. Yes, I ask alot of damn questions... I want to be with him a freaking long time (as long as this butchering of feelings doesn't continue) and for that reason, I want to know everything I can about the man I spend my nights with and share my bed with. We had sex after we argued, after I had done asking my questions to which I never receive any answers. It felt like it was sex with a stranger. It felt the way sex used to feel last year around mid march. I'm wondering now how he can say he loves someone like me. 8:39 a.m. - 2005-06-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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