innerscroll's Diaryland Diary
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aching heart
I went for supper with my mother on Friday night. We had our usual sushi and wine. It was fabulous! We talked mostly about relashionships and the evolution of a couple. She made me realise that mine might be lost. That is, unless I become more detached from my lover and go out and do things without him more often. I'm not happy about this realisation but I know it to be true. I know that's what I need and that's what Louis needs too.
It's hard! I've always had guys before him who wanted nothing more than to spend every waking hour with me, and that's what I like. It's hard to take that distance and just go and do what you wanted anyway, without that person you adore.
I know Louis will want to spend the day in front of this screan again. I know he'll be playing that fucking game till supper time and I'll be stuck watching t.v. on this radious day. It's beautiful out there. It's noon, or just about and Louis isn't awake yet. Usually I'm the one who sleeps in on Sundays. So, when he does wake I'll ask him if he wants to go for breakfast and if he doesn't, I'll just go alone. I'll walk, it's pretty close anyway. I have to go to the pharmacy as well so I can get that done.
We went to a movie last night, for what might very well be the first time since he started playing WoW. I was amazed that he kept his word, and he didn't even complain about it. I was really happy we got out. I'll be happy if I see the sunshine a little more today.
Sometimes I really feel like he's avoiding any real attachement to me. I'm starting to feel like the only use he sees for me is sex. I know it isn't the case but he doesn't express anything else. He tells me he loves me but he won't hold me or kiss me out of the blue anymore.
It's so hard to deal with. I know I have to be strong and try to distance myself a little to try and understand what he really wants, what he really needs.
11:47 a.m. - 2005-10-02
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