innerscroll's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- temper tantrum I think I just might be too demanding. I really require all the attention anyone can give me. Louis came to bed at 5am this morning. He was playing his computer games all that time. I went to bed around 1:30am. He got up at 9:30 this morning to play some more. I wasn't a happy camper. I got up at 11am and he was still at it. I thought he might stop to talk or spend some actual time with me, but he just refused. I got really pissed off. It bothered me so much that I felt like I wasn't wanted. I felt like an accessory. I really made me crazy. I started to cry and throw fits about anything I could possibly bitch about. I needed my attention and I needed to feel that my boy-friend was listening to me. He did invite me to sleep at his house after all. Or maybe that's just it. So far, what I've writen sounds like the bad behaviour of an attention deprived 5 year old. I known. Part of my moodiness comes from the birth control pills I injest every morning. I've been taking them for about 6 months now, and it is really starting to show. I think it's more than that however, I think I'm losing my mind. It's been like this on and off and to different degrees. This was one of the worst days so far. I just start to cry and bitch and I can't stop, I couldn't if my life depended on it, or my relationship for that matter. I'm worried that I can't stop now. I'm worried that this is the type of person I'm turning into. I feel bitter and vengeful when in that mood, when in that transe-like moment of fits of crying. I just want to hide away and sleep and forget about the world. It's horrible. I have to see my Gyno in April. I'll tell him about my freakiness and my wild attitude lately. Maybe he can change my pills to something softer. Anyway, that's my day.. and the last few. 6:53 p.m. - 2005-03-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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