innerscroll's Diaryland Diary
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cottage by the sea
I feel like shit and I don't know why. I shouldn't be pms'ing just yet, at least I don't think I should be. My sweet Louis came for lunch today and I made him his favorite, pasta. As he walked in, some chick from his school called him. He said hi, I thought he was talking to me. I had a grin on my face until I saw he was on his cell. I got really upset when I realised it was a chick he was speaking with. I stayed calm, I let him finish the conversation, which really took longer than it should have. Louis tried everything to make me feel better afterwards. None of it worked. He repeated this "I love you!" chant to me about a dozen times, still, I was on the verge of tears. He knows something's wrong with me, I know something's wrong with me I just don't what that is. Last night Louis asked me if I could do his laundry today, cause it's my day off. I said I would but having him ask me again today sent these shivers up and down my spine. I'm so emotional. It's driving me crazy!
When I feel like this I just wish I could be there, between the St-Laurence river and the ocean. Time just stops in that place of transition. You feel like you can do anything. You feel very, very big and very, very small at once. I want to be there. I can't wait to go back.
When I was about ten years old, I went to the cottage with my brother and my mother. We hadn't been there in years and I missed it to death. Once there I made a whish to the ocean. Not a whish really, more of a declaration. I told the ocean that the first boy-friend I would bring there with me would also be the man I spend the rest of my life with. That man would be Louis, and it seems likely that he will be that person. I am so much in love with him. He completes me well and understands me more than anyone else has.
I need to get away with him. I need to go back to the meeting point, between the river and the ocean. I need to feel that spirit of mine, the one I left there.
1:20 p.m. - 2005-03-09
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